Archive for category: My Diary

I was reading some posts on X, and for obvious reasons I tend to have a lot of trans issues (haters and supporters) of the gender ideology filling my feed.  As I scrolled I came across this specific post that tore my heart apart.  Let me write it out for you.

It’s official.  I am an ugly, homely transwoman.

So in selfies I actually look kind of cute and I realize it is because of mirrors the image and somehow makes me look a lot better than I really do.  I actually had a get together today with family and a few photos were taken of me.  I was excited to see how I appeared.

I just want to cry.  I want to give up.  There is no way any man would want this.  I am ugly.  My head and face are awful shaped and mannish, and after a year and a half of hormone therapy my body just looks boyish.  My hair sucks.  I am just not feminine.

I am just embarrassed to be me.  I have basically signed up for single life and being an ugly girl.  Honestly I would be doing myself and the world a service if I just killed myself.

 

There are reasons for this which I will explain but first lets contemplate the transition in general.  We are being force fed the idea that transitioning is life saving medical care because without it those individuals will die.  So what happened why are they still contemplating suicide when these transitions are going to give them the euphoria they were guaranteed by the medical community?  There is yet another factor in this and that is trans activists and the LGBTQ people affirming them as “beautiful, strong, brave, and oh you look so feminine”.  All the buzzwords that distort the reality those individuals are living in to make them believe they are looking feminine.  Lies hurt and the truth will always shine through, which happened to this poor transwoman.

Now lets go over what’s at play here:

Matrixing Effect

The matrixing effect is probably one of the biggest culprit here.  So to describe what this is briefly; look up in the sky and you see a cloud.  You say “Oh that cloud looks like a dog” now some will see it but some won’t.  Matrixing is the phenomena that our brain and eyes need to make something into things to better relate.  It’s also a common issue within the paranormal investigation field.

So this person is kind of blinded I am sure by the affirmation and compliments people gave them so their feelings wouldn’t be hurt.  This is very common within the LGBTQ community so it kind of puts those red glasses on.  This person saw the woman he thought he looked like based on influences like affirmation and selfies that probably had some kind of filter on to make them more appealing.  They forgot they used the filters and thus got a rude awakening with the other camera.

I have to admit though, cameras are not the best when it comes to judging our looks.  Lighting, environment etc, can influence one’s looks through a camera.  What I tend to do to give a more realistic look is to view my reflection in the mirror.  This is more forgiving and natural than a camera.

The matrix also takes hold when people compare us to others and when we see other people like on magazines.  If someone compares us to someone less appealing we tend to feel inadequate or at best we feel some of that truth coming in and we hyperfocus on our flaws.  Additionally we compare ourselves to them, but they are heavily photoshopped so really nobody can achieve that look, not even the individual in the photo.

The sad reality here is that the graphic below is generally how trans individuals, especially trans women see themselves.  This is an image created in the brain that is manipula

ted by one’s heart.  It’s lie is often influenced by the trans activists and people saying how feminine they look even if they don’t to affirm them.  The end result can be disastrous to someone who suffers from gender dysphoria, but I must say that a true transgender individual would not be walking around looking like Jeffrey Marsh.

Doctors/Therapists

The mental health of the gender dysphoric individual is incredibly important yet it’s probably the first thing that’s tossed out.  Nobody is born in the wrong body, our mind however doesn’t want to believe that because Gender Dysphoria tells us otherwise.  The truth of the matter is, not everyone needs to transition to fight their gender dysphoria; but try to tell that to a LGBTQ activist or trans activist.  To push the narrative they say “transgender individuals need access to “LIFE SAVING” care like HRT and top/bottom surgeries.”  Life saving care means that without it they will die.  Lets be real, nobody has ever died being born in the wrong body because it just doesn’t exist.  They die by their own hand, suicide which is a choice.  So what theoretically could be the life saving medical treatment isn’t HRT or surgery, rather therapy that doesn’t push an agenda for money.

It’s a proven fact places like PLUME and Planned Parenthood do not require you to undergo any therapy to receive HRT or surgeries.  All you have to do is go and say you are trans; that’s the only requirement and these individuals take you at your word and start you on HRT immediately.  Prior to 2008 for one to get HRT they would need to undergo at least two years of therapy and be deemed “gender dysphoric” with no therapy aiding their mental disorder; the only option was transitioning.  Then prior to any surgery they had to live as a woman or man for two years minimum and on HRT before they could be a candidate for surgery.  All of those factors are a thing of the past as they push the narratives.  This has allowed countless “trans” people to transition and realize they made a mistake, one with irrevocable consequences” like the man in this redit.  The option is to detransition or suicide.  The sad part is the LGBTQ for the detransition will completely ostercize them leaving them empty and alone, despite their rhetoric causing the situation.

Doctors are paid heavily by the organizations and insurances so of course they will claim you are gender dysphoric on the first visit.  I would almost bet they get a kickback from the doctors who then perform these expensive surgeries.  Do you know a bottom surgery ranges in the $39,000.00 range?  Top surgeries for implants run into the $10,000.00 range.  So without any facial surgery the medical industry is set to receive $49,000.00 for just that patient.  If that person ruins their life it doesn’t matter they can put money down on or buy another sports car or a third vacation home.

These doctors are predators, preying on the vulnerable and mental condition of people looking for an answer.  Not everyone needs to transition.  Sadly many of these individuals cleared for surgery and HRT are not even trans, they are autogynephilia and gay individuals with underlying homophobia.  Additionally many other fetish drivin people use the term trans to exploit the loopholes for their fetish.

Doctors and therapists will tell you once on HRT you are biologically that sex; however stop the HRT and you will start to transition back but half assed if you will.  A biological individual will not have that happen.  They changed it from a sex change to gender affirmation surgery (GAS) because you literally can’t change your sex and they know it, therefore they simply reworded it.  They will affirm your new gender as biological to play into your need for affirmation; if they don’t they commit medical malpractice.  For years the LGBTQ has tried to unstigmatize transgenders as a mental illness, which it clearly is, because if it’s mental then it doesn’t exist.  I know dozens of transgender women and men who will say for certain they are biologically female or male, but present as male or female only.

Activists/Gender Fluidity

Probably one of the most dangerous individuals for confused “trans” people.  There are gender fluid people fighting to be recognized as neither male or female and present as both.  Some use HRT and surgeries to only go half way.  They have to push for affirmation and validation for all trans and gender fluid individuals because if they don’t then none of this exists and they deformed their bodies for no reason.  These activists use any weapon in their cabinet to push these narratives.  They include gaslighting (trying to make you believe that transwomen can get periods and get pregnant), they will use slur words like (homophobic, transphobic, bigot and other terms to shame you into submission).  They will use bullying and violence if they have to.  Some will use lunatic behavior like screaming at the top of their lungs to drown you out if you don’t comply, hoping that you are so annoying you will say what they want to hear to shut them up.  These people prey on innocent kids that may be autistic or have confidence/self-esteem issues; or maybe are socially inept to think they are trans or gender fluid so they can play the victim or be accepted in a marginalized group.  Remember there is power in numbers.  They brainwash too using manipulative speech and trying to bend the truth to show them their “true selves” so they trust and join the cult.

Sadly these people are the ones that command respect like politicians and teachers.  People who claim to have your best interest so that they can get your vote; when in reality they are selling you, your health and life out for that vote.  Should you realize you made a mistake like this individual, you will find that they are no longer right beside you but pushing you down that cliff.

IT MAY HURT, but it’s so important to tell these people the truth, help them take the proper route to work on their diagnosis as opposed to just going to the extreme last resort first.  Help them work through the walls put up to stop them from making an irreversible mistake.

Somewhere along the timeline of life, it became a common need among people to be affirmed by everyone regarding their life choices. This concept is beyond my scope of comprehension, but what mystifies me even more is that if one does not affirm every aspect of someone and agree with them fully then that individual hates them. How did we become so needy and why are we putting so much weight on how others perceive us?

This concept doesn’t just lie in certain niches but some niches tend to put that need for affirmation higher than others. Here is the hard truth, nobody’s opinion will make your choices you make for your own life any more valid or invalid, nor right or wrong. We must live for ourselves and be happy regardless what anyone else thinks or believes. If we need someone’s affirmation we are relinquishing a lot of power and control over ourselves and putting that in the hands of someone else.

The LGBTQ has been a group that tends to need and desire affirmation from complete strangers; mostly for reasons I will not be covering here. I will say that one of the main reasons is to validate their identity among the common area to help them believe they are what they are. The only way you can get out of this in a peaceful manner is to lie to them. For instance when a transgender woman asks if they pass. If you say no, you will probably be belittled and labeled a transphobe, homophobe or bigot. If you lie, you will make them happy but in turn you are hurting them by further affirming their own perception of themselves that simply doesn’t exist. When they run into someone that says NO you do not pass, they become confused because you said they did so they feel betrayed. Can you see how this vicious cycle plays out?

I see this especially in the younger generation, gen Y and Z and Alpha; you must affirm everything about them which includes agreeing on their religious views, political views and affiliation, life choices, sexual preferences and more or you hate them. What they forget to materialize in their brains is everyone is different so we think differently. That does not mean by any stretch of the imagination the person hates them. I have many people that disagree with my political beliefs, my life choices etc, but we are still friends and at least cordial to each other. We don’t have to be friends with everyone and we simply can’t please everyone either to accomplish that.

In the end the only thing that matters is you and how you see yourself. If you can look in the mirror and don’t see anything you should or could change about yourself then you are satisfied. You don’t need someone else to affirm you, when that someone really doesn’t have any impact in your life anyway. So the person walking down the street next to you doesn’t affirm your sexuality, this is the one and only time you see them, is it worth getting upset, insecure about yourself and depressed because they don’t approve of your sexual preferences? NO!

Sadly this trend is even seeping into our schools. Teachers are trying so hard to be affirmed by their students even if they are only 4 years old. They get upset they can’t discuss their sexual preferences or their gender choice for themselves with their children to get that affirmation. Since they can’t get that affirmation they becomes aggressive, threatening and outright depressed. Now tell me does a four year olds affirmation of you REALLY matter? If it does, that doesn’t say much about you except that you are entitled, narcissistic, and have no self esteem.

To be happy, you just have to accept your choices and love who you are. That my friend is confidence. If you see something you don’t like about yourself then change it. Never rely on someone elses opinion or affirmation of you because most of the people that will affirm you would never come to your aid in your time of need.

A growing trend I’ve encountered searching the internet is “euphoria boners”. This trend is really hitting on Reddit, TikTok and YouTube. I even see proud TERF’s sharing these stories and videos on X. So what is a euphoria boner you may ask? Well its exclusive to MtF transgenders that must be made clear. Essentially they get “excited” seeing themselves as the opposite sex, when they dress up in female clothing or when someone affirms their gender choice in public.

When you read these stories or watch these Vlogs they all try very hard to normalize this by saying its a natural and beautiful thing as they are accepting their bodies and their gender and becoming comfortable inside of it. I have no problem with anyone “being themselves” or what they feel to be themself but I am in no way convinced this is natural.

As a born Intersex, I never once felt euphoric over seeing myself as a man. I was never “aroused” seeing myself as a man either. In fact it was almost a form of torture for me, to wake up each day and try extremely hard to play a role I had no idea how to play; just so I wouldn’t get beat to an inch of my life. When my body reset itself and I finally matched my birth gender, still no “euphoria” or “arousal”. So if this is natural then why didn’t it work on me? Why do so many other transgender women I know don’t get it either?

I will try to answer this as respectfully as I possibly can.

If you’ve watched my videos, over and over I discuss and make examples out of “non-trans” individuals trying to be trans. These individuals are usually MfF, they usually DO NOT PASS well at all. These “women” have beards, very little facial feminization. They usually act gruff, want to fight and kill people. They wear women’s clothing, real bad makeup and wigs. These individuals are usually calling out anyone that doesn’t accept them as “women”, who stands in their way from entering the women’s bathrooms and locker rooms and of course women’s sports.

In my opinion these individuals aren’t trans, they have a fetish. Their fetish is seeing themselves as women and getting access to the HOLY GRAIL – the women’s locker rooms and bathrooms. They aren’t cross dressers, they are a step above that but a step below trans, which we call autogynephilia. Autogynephilia is is defined as a male’s propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as female. Makes more sense doesn’t it.

Sadly these individuals use the term trans to benefit from the special privileges given to them. See transgenders will do ANYTHING they can to blend in. They don’t go out and scream and holler about rights, they don’t go threaten people, they do everything they can to never be asked what gender they are. True trans people say “for the most part” they never got a euphoria boner because their gender was never about sex or a fetish. It was just being normal. This is why I never had any of this.

I do find it very disturbing and yet so many individuals are hell bent on affirming them and normalizing this kind of reaction to their own appearance or experience.

This photo is large for a reason, so you can hopefully see what I am saying in the top left corner of this photo

When I went to take a selfie tonight what I thought I was capturing turned out to be far more meaningful than the pose itself. I was trying to show my face and concentration as I pondered reality. So I make it square for instagram and then I looked deeply. Top left corner you see a picture. That picture is my grandparents and they are holding me, a 30 day old baby, getting ready to be baptized in my Christening gown; which was part of the wedding dress that belonged and worn by my grandmother’s (Pictured) mom. They were the first German immigrants on my moms side that came to America for a better life. My grandparents outside of my parents are the most important people in my life. When my grandmother died my world was never the same. So that picture was December 1978! Right next to the picture is a stuffed panda I got my grandmother at Catskill Game Farm (now out of business) in 1988 with my paper route money. Next the actual picture of me. I am pondering reality concentrating hard; BUT it’s me now, 45 years apart from this photo and that old picture of me as an infant. In my dreams I almost never see myself in them, but I reenact the memory, symbolic of the darkness covering it. On my person you see my wedding/engagement ring, the Yin Yang and the moon earring all major symbols of where I started, what I achieved and who I am in one photo.

December 1, 2023 a Canadian girls swim competition took place which included girls from 8 years old to 16. What was supposed to be a wonderful day of competition between these young ladies and a day for proud parents to cheer on their daughters, soon turned into a fiasco. For on the card to compete was Melody Wiseheart, a 50 year old trans woman who is also a professor.

The parents learned that Melody would be allowed to change inside the locker room with their daughters, who for some, were in elementary school. To try to save their daughters being exposed to Melody, the parents made a barrier to allow their daughters to change and not come in contact with Wiseheart.

Despite the changing room situation it was not the oddest thing to transpire that day. One of the biggest red flags was Wiseheart was competing against children 40 years younger than her. When the meet finally ended Wiseheart came in last place in every race, Wiseheart who had a commanding advantage of height, strength and stamina over these girls still finished last.

After the meet, the parents made numerous complaints to the swimming organization and the police, all of whom did nothing. The Canadian Swim Competition gave a statement that it was over equality and everyone has the right to swim without discrimination. The typical buzz words used when it comes to transgender or LGBTQ individuals. The police were notified and were unable to do anything about Wiseheart because Wiseheart announced he now identified as a girl.

Since this story came out we have learned that Wiseheart has competed in several competitions with young girls like this and again came in last place on virtually every race.

My Take

Swimming should be equal and non discriminatory

AGREE! Swimming is meant for everyone but in a competition factors must be considered. For instance most swimming competitions have “levels” which puts people inside a category based on one’s weight, height, age and skill level. This is designed to make the competition fair. Same in boxing, they have banter weight, heavyweight, lightweight etc to make it competitive without a major advantage. Like picture Mike Tyson boxing a man 5′-7″ and 135 pounds… gee I wonder who would win.

In this competition Wiseheart was 40 years older than the girls she competed against. Also as a full grown individual who had over 30 plus years on testosterone Wisehearts body was taller, sleeker and the strength and stamina would have played a major impact on the outcome. For the most part this should have been a blood bath these girls were about to experience but thank goodness it wasn’t. If Wiseheart WAS at peak performance the Swim Committee overseeing the competition made the competition completely lopsided against the girls. In terms of equality and discrimination they insured Wiseheart they omitted those same principles for the girls.

On Wiseheart

Let’s look at what we know. Wiseheart IS a professor so her level of observance should be significantly higher than most. That being said Wiseheart should know better than anyone that this was unfair for those girls and NEVER should have competed against them (WIN OR LOSE). Why didn’t she compete against women her own age?

Wiseheart lost miserably to these young girls, it wasn’t even a competition. This says one thing to me, swimming wasn’t what this was about. Wiseheart can’t swim on any competitive level, so swimming was the key to access protected spaces (i.e. the girls changing room).

Wiseheart knows that trans individuals can scream inequality, bias, discrimination etc. if someone denies them access to do something. Therefore the swim competition would have to let her compete without question.

Wiseheart was upset that the parents put up barriers dividing Wiseheart and the girls. Wiseheart from pictures does not look like any HRT was used, let alone any surgery performed. That being said when Wiseheart was naked, she would look male.

The whole spectacle put on by Wiseheart proves to me and many others I’ve watched do commentary on this, that the goal was access to changing children. I believe that many individuals that call themselves “trans” are not actually trans at all. These individuals have fetishes that gives them a sexual release when experienced. Some its seeing themselves as the opposite sex, and those are the ones that tend to be the loudest and most obnoxious towards other women wanting access to their bathrooms, calling them CIS women, saying they are more of a woman than a biologically born female etc. They are also the trans women that tend to believe they are NOW a biological woman, and that they have periods. For Wiseheart who does not pass as a woman physically, appears that they are using the trans label to access their fetish which is being sexually attracted to minors. If this wasn’t the case, Wiseheart would not care if they put up barriers while dressing or being asked to use an alternative locker room.

We need to find these individuals like Wiseheart and call them out, especially if you are trans. Wiseheart’s actions are what’s causing legislation that’s aimed at taking back the rights trans fought for to protect women and men. It also puts a negative “blanket” across the LGBTQ – especially the T as most will look at them and say they are all sick individuals who are exploiting their fetish. If we don’t call these sick individuals out it will be the end of transgender freedom.